You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
