i think my tv is drunk
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
