i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think I just sharted jello shots
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