Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
