I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
