i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
