I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
