My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
