I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
