Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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