i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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