I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
