Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
