what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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