so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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