I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
