Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
