I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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