Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
