This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
