I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
