they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
His nipple licking is glorious
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
