Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
