She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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