I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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