Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
