I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
