at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
