Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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