We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There's always time for handjobs
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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