I must be too annoying 4 u.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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