is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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