YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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