remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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