She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
