I'm drive I can fine osifer
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Mom said you looked used
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
