Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
