okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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