I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
