Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
