All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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