and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
