If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
