Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there was a trapeze. enough said
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
