I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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