i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
