We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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