Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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