a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
