You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
