so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
