I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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