What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize