Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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