I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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