I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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