I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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