Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
