Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
