i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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