I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
