Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
