He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
