In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
